Finally

Finally met up with u, after 4 months and 22 days. I hav nv changed, but i realised u did. U no longer seem to lead the lifestyle u used to. It was kinda hurting when u said u wanna meet ur frens for ur routine fridae late nite session coz u havent had tt for 2 weeks. I juz met u once and this fridae u want to get back to ur "new routine". There is nothing much i can do if u really miss those 2 weeks abscence with ur frens instead of the 20 over weeks of my abscence. Perhaps our 5 yrs relationship is not as strong as that u have with ur frens of many many many years. Mayb u haf grown up, while i am still stuck in the happy world we used to share. Whu else can i blame but myself. Mayb drinking and wasting ur life late in the nite everyweek is fun, i dunno. Juz like i am sure ur frens will not understand y i rather work on my delts and pecs (maybe more on my bis and tris), and y i consider fun as my weekly refugees soccer, seeing the fucking high ball and hear pple shout its mine and my balls shrink when i go for it, and y i consider fun as doing push ups after i kena a fucking unrespectable 50-10. Mayb u and i haf different directions since i left. What am i supposed to do? What can i do? I dunno, and i dun realli wanna care. I hav been hurt enough, as Chan said, mayb its time to love myself. And i will. I will get out of this shit pit i am coz i love myself, I will not let anyone do a 50-10 to me coz i love myself, and i will no longer let my balls shrink when the ball is juz a little high, fuck ya high balls coz i love myself.

Back in Singapore

Hey guys, juz wanna thank all of u for ur support and encouragement all these months. Without all ur support, the following is not possible. Actualli i also nv realli mug, but den, well, there is no denying the gd :)

Am i xialan? Yes. Am i zai? Hell Yes. Now its time to settle lotsa stuff back. Hope can meet up with everyone to show u nice photos.

Soon 2 more to go

Its 10pm now. After tonite, it will be 2 more days to go. One more exam to go for tomorrow. Kinda give up on tomorrow's paper though. Now my mind is filled with nothing but going home. From the dreadful months, it reduced to weeks, now its juz days left. Guess this shall be my last post in US. Cant get this song off my mind. Rene Liu's 很爱很爱你. Its a old old song, guess around 1998 i think. Thats 10 yrs. But this song describes what i feel now. I know it might have been me that caused you all this misery that led to all these, and this whole r/s crashing. Maybe i loved you the wrong way for the past 5 years. But whatever the maybe, I still love you alot and maybe its time I love you in another way, and perhaps this will be the last thing I ever do for you. Maybe I am not the right guy afterall. Maybe we are just destined to be good frens. Cant really concentrate on anything else the past few days. Although I know i have to concentrate on passing my stoopid exams, this whole r/s thingy is in my mind even when i am in the exam hall.

Dad, Mum, Sis, I am never ever gg to take u guys for granted again.
Chan, How, we have a bball date. Sprewell is coming home.
Refugees, Bowen Sec this Sunday, ur centerback is ready.
Clements, bring the weights on.

8 more to go

Its been a long time since we last talked. I wonder when will be the next. 8 more days and i will be back, realli cant wait to be home. Although i had fun these 5 months, but if i could turn back time, i rather not have all those fun. I realli miss my family and frens, the warmth of my home and the warmth and support they bring me. These days of counting down seem to pass so slow so slow. But i know i hav to be strong and i will be. Hopefully this whole saga, the homesick thing and the failed relationship thing will only make me stronger.